The Deer Wars
I really wanted to name this post something clever like "Peter: 1, Deer:0" but the problem is that I couldn't exactly figure out what the score is. I mean, the deer destroyed our roses (Deer:1, Peter: 0), but then Peter scared the bejeezurs out of them with the firecrackers so that would be worth about 2 points (Peter:2, Deer:1) and then the deer figured out how to get into Peter's old garden fence which would bring us to Peter:2, Deer:2.
Oh, but then Peter built the mother of all deer fences. That should be worth about 6, right?
Peter: 8, Deer:2
Ha!
But then those blasted varmints broke several strands on the fence while we were out of town so they rampaged the garden for a week undettered. Oy. That is a lot of points for them.
Peter: 8, Deer:10
Blast!
Ok, but you can kind of see that this is a light-hearted game of deer wars, right? I mean we really don't want to hurt them. And, well, we really don't want them to hurt us...or our vehicles.
And this is where my scoring mechanism breaks down. Peter was driving Soren into town the other day and a deer was down in a ditch next to the road and leapt right out into the side of Peter's truck. No time for brakes or swerves just BAM, THUD. Silence.
Peter pulled over and saw the deer laying in the ditch. He called the sheriff who eventually came out and put the poor deer out of his misery. Soren still thinks that the deer is "taking a break."
See, kind of impossible to score that battle, wouldn't you say? Oh, except maybe we should award a few bonus points to the guys at Firestone who when Peter drove in his injured car to get the tire fixed and was so preoccupied that he forgot to leave them the key to move the vehicle inside to the lift...they went out and replaced Peter's tire in the parking lot and never once complained about having to deal with a vehicle that was smeared in deer poop.
Firestone: 50
Oh, but then Peter built the mother of all deer fences. That should be worth about 6, right?
Peter: 8, Deer:2
Ha!
But then those blasted varmints broke several strands on the fence while we were out of town so they rampaged the garden for a week undettered. Oy. That is a lot of points for them.
Peter: 8, Deer:10
Blast!
Ok, but you can kind of see that this is a light-hearted game of deer wars, right? I mean we really don't want to hurt them. And, well, we really don't want them to hurt us...or our vehicles.
And this is where my scoring mechanism breaks down. Peter was driving Soren into town the other day and a deer was down in a ditch next to the road and leapt right out into the side of Peter's truck. No time for brakes or swerves just BAM, THUD. Silence.
Peter pulled over and saw the deer laying in the ditch. He called the sheriff who eventually came out and put the poor deer out of his misery. Soren still thinks that the deer is "taking a break."
See, kind of impossible to score that battle, wouldn't you say? Oh, except maybe we should award a few bonus points to the guys at Firestone who when Peter drove in his injured car to get the tire fixed and was so preoccupied that he forgot to leave them the key to move the vehicle inside to the lift...they went out and replaced Peter's tire in the parking lot and never once complained about having to deal with a vehicle that was smeared in deer poop.
Firestone: 50
This is a great post!! I'm so sorry the mother-of-all-fences didn't work out. I'm thinking a guard tower, 8 hour shifts, and a rifle.
ReplyDeleteI'd say since there was loss of life, Peter definitely won. Poor deer taking a break, but it looks like he had the poop scared out of him as he left this life.
Yet another reason why I am a lifetime Firestone customer.
Okay a few things...One: We saw this happen to a guy in Montana...only it was a buck in rut and he ramed a truck with his head down as he was driving past on the highway! I think the deer walked away but he was a little shaken.
ReplyDeleteTwo: I just saw a guy on Martha Stewart who said the only thing that works to keep deer away is an emoltion made of 4 eggs and 1 quart of water in a blender. Then spay on all your plants. The deer will stay away and it lasts a long time as long as it does not rain.
I would say that Peter is way ahead on points.
Thank you for the great post - I was laughing out loud so that certainly means a few more points on Peter's side. (But of course not at his expense...)
ReplyDelete-Libby