It Was The Worst of Times, Part 1
Yes, I know that the quote is supposed to be "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times..." But right now I'm just focusing on the worst of times. You see, Soren's fourth birthday is just around the corner. And like most moms, I can't help but reflect on that experience, that day, 4 years ago that brought our beloved little boy out into the world.
It was the worst of times.
Really.
The very worst.
Peter and I have talked about that experience many times over the past four years. And in someways it felt almost like some sort of post-traumatic stress experience to work through the terror and uncertainty of those first few days of Soren's life. During the whole experience there wasn't any room to digest it all. We were hunkered down, in survival mode, just taking each hour as it came.
And so many of our friends never got the whole story of what happened then. During the experience we didn't really have the time or energy to talk about it. And once it was over it still all felt too raw to discuss. So, we really just didn't talk to other people about it.
But rather than forget all the details of that experience, I'm going to put them down here. So we can always know that this precious gift didn't arrive without a struggle. And now we can have the our own version of the Dickens line...it is the best of times, it was the worst of times...
The best way to summarize the overall experience is to use the email that I sent to our friends and family on the one day that I left the hospital in the two weeks that Soren was there.
***
Dear Friends –
Soren has arrived! There are so many of you whom I am sure are wondering if we’d just dropped off the face of the planet since we’ve been out of communications for awhile. We had such well laid out plans about all the phone calls we’d make announcing the arrival of our son, but those plans didn’t quite work out as expected.
Soren Gray Urban was born last Friday, April 29, at 5:52 am, 8 days after his due date. He was a whopping 8 lbs 14 ounces and was 21.5 inches long. I’m not kidding – the kid actually has biceps! He is gorgeous. He has a medium amount of longish blonde hair and bright blue eyes. I’m not yet sure if he looks like an Urban or a Plasman, so for the time being we’ll just say he looks like a Soren. He is precious.
But his arrival hasn’t been without challenges. When he was born he had some type of lung infection. The cause is entirely unknown. It made it difficult for him to get his first breaths. And when babies are born there is a transition that their little hearts have to make from the practice breathing they’ve been doing inside the womb, to the air breathing they need to make once they are out. The complications in his lungs made this transition difficult for his heart. So suddenly this new little baby was having both heart and lung challenges.
He was immediately rushed to the NICU (which kindly they call the Special Care Nursery at our hospital. It is strange how the semantics of gentler word choice actually make a big difference to me at a time like this). Peter was able to be with him the entire time. That made me able to relax knowing that his daddy was able to touch him and talk to him through this urgent experience.
Since then he has remained in the Special Care nursery. He has been pretty sick. And I actually think now I am only beginning to understand how serious it was. Now that he is improving – hurrah! – I can see how both he and we are treated differently by the doctors and nurses. Fortunately his size has given him the strength and resources to fight the difficulties.
Until today he has been on a respirator. They removed that this morning. So at last I was able to see his face completely (yep, he’s a cutie). There have been many milestones they’ve set for him and he’s really been blasting past them. But still it takes some time for him to recover. Now he has a device at his nose to help him breath, but with the breathing tube out of his throat he is actually able to make some noises. His throat is a bit sore from the tube so he is sounding more like a frog than a baby, but still it is wonderful to hear.
Things are very optimistic for him. We are still not sure when we’ll get to take him home, but a week from now is probably a good possibility. They need to slowly wean him from the sedatives they’ve had him on, finish his course of antibiotics, and slowly move him to lesser and lesser breathing aids. The doctors have told us that they do not expect long-term problems to result from this. So we are hopeful that once he recovers he will be a normal, healthy (and totally buff!) baby.
I was discharged from the hospital on Tuesday, but they have given us a room there so that we can stay and wait for Soren to come home with us. Now we are taking turns sitting with him and holding his hand or talking to him. He isn’t in an incubator (this little fat guy has no problem regulating his own body heat!) so we can touch him very easily. Even though he is in a pretty awkward place he is still able to know that his mommy and daddy are with him. I was able to hold him for the first time on Tuesday, and Peter held him yesterday. It is quite a production. One person moves the baby, another moves the breathing tubes, and another moves all the lines and cords that are attached to him. But that should be getting easier now that he is off the respirator.
We have been so grateful for all the love and support we’ve received from our friends and family! Everyone who comes into our room comments that it smells like flowers instead of a hospital. It looks so cheerful and beautiful.
We are still asking that people don’t visit us in the hospital. As much as we’d like to see you we really feel the need to save our energy to sit with Soren. Today is the first time that I’ve come home. I’ll stay here just long enough to hit the “Send” button on this email, and then I’ll be heading back. The message light is blinking on the answering machine, but for now I’m going to continue to leave that unattended too. So we hope you’ll understand that we’ll be thinking of you all, but will continue to stay out of contact for a while longer.
We are a bit tired, but that part is one thing that is a normal part of parenthood, so we are quite content with that!
Again, thank you to each of you for all the thoughts and prayers that have been said on our and Soren’s behalf. Some of our emissaries have been helping us get the word out on our little guy (thanks especially to Victoria for that!)
We’re looking forward to the day when we can show off the handsome new addition to our family.
With lots of love,
Amy, Peter and Soren
***
Tomorrow I'll tell you some of the details behind the scenes.
It was the worst of times.
Really.
The very worst.
Peter and I have talked about that experience many times over the past four years. And in someways it felt almost like some sort of post-traumatic stress experience to work through the terror and uncertainty of those first few days of Soren's life. During the whole experience there wasn't any room to digest it all. We were hunkered down, in survival mode, just taking each hour as it came.
And so many of our friends never got the whole story of what happened then. During the experience we didn't really have the time or energy to talk about it. And once it was over it still all felt too raw to discuss. So, we really just didn't talk to other people about it.
But rather than forget all the details of that experience, I'm going to put them down here. So we can always know that this precious gift didn't arrive without a struggle. And now we can have the our own version of the Dickens line...it is the best of times, it was the worst of times...
The best way to summarize the overall experience is to use the email that I sent to our friends and family on the one day that I left the hospital in the two weeks that Soren was there.
***
Dear Friends –
Soren has arrived! There are so many of you whom I am sure are wondering if we’d just dropped off the face of the planet since we’ve been out of communications for awhile. We had such well laid out plans about all the phone calls we’d make announcing the arrival of our son, but those plans didn’t quite work out as expected.
Soren Gray Urban was born last Friday, April 29, at 5:52 am, 8 days after his due date. He was a whopping 8 lbs 14 ounces and was 21.5 inches long. I’m not kidding – the kid actually has biceps! He is gorgeous. He has a medium amount of longish blonde hair and bright blue eyes. I’m not yet sure if he looks like an Urban or a Plasman, so for the time being we’ll just say he looks like a Soren. He is precious.
But his arrival hasn’t been without challenges. When he was born he had some type of lung infection. The cause is entirely unknown. It made it difficult for him to get his first breaths. And when babies are born there is a transition that their little hearts have to make from the practice breathing they’ve been doing inside the womb, to the air breathing they need to make once they are out. The complications in his lungs made this transition difficult for his heart. So suddenly this new little baby was having both heart and lung challenges.
He was immediately rushed to the NICU (which kindly they call the Special Care Nursery at our hospital. It is strange how the semantics of gentler word choice actually make a big difference to me at a time like this). Peter was able to be with him the entire time. That made me able to relax knowing that his daddy was able to touch him and talk to him through this urgent experience.
Since then he has remained in the Special Care nursery. He has been pretty sick. And I actually think now I am only beginning to understand how serious it was. Now that he is improving – hurrah! – I can see how both he and we are treated differently by the doctors and nurses. Fortunately his size has given him the strength and resources to fight the difficulties.
Until today he has been on a respirator. They removed that this morning. So at last I was able to see his face completely (yep, he’s a cutie). There have been many milestones they’ve set for him and he’s really been blasting past them. But still it takes some time for him to recover. Now he has a device at his nose to help him breath, but with the breathing tube out of his throat he is actually able to make some noises. His throat is a bit sore from the tube so he is sounding more like a frog than a baby, but still it is wonderful to hear.
Things are very optimistic for him. We are still not sure when we’ll get to take him home, but a week from now is probably a good possibility. They need to slowly wean him from the sedatives they’ve had him on, finish his course of antibiotics, and slowly move him to lesser and lesser breathing aids. The doctors have told us that they do not expect long-term problems to result from this. So we are hopeful that once he recovers he will be a normal, healthy (and totally buff!) baby.
I was discharged from the hospital on Tuesday, but they have given us a room there so that we can stay and wait for Soren to come home with us. Now we are taking turns sitting with him and holding his hand or talking to him. He isn’t in an incubator (this little fat guy has no problem regulating his own body heat!) so we can touch him very easily. Even though he is in a pretty awkward place he is still able to know that his mommy and daddy are with him. I was able to hold him for the first time on Tuesday, and Peter held him yesterday. It is quite a production. One person moves the baby, another moves the breathing tubes, and another moves all the lines and cords that are attached to him. But that should be getting easier now that he is off the respirator.
We have been so grateful for all the love and support we’ve received from our friends and family! Everyone who comes into our room comments that it smells like flowers instead of a hospital. It looks so cheerful and beautiful.
We are still asking that people don’t visit us in the hospital. As much as we’d like to see you we really feel the need to save our energy to sit with Soren. Today is the first time that I’ve come home. I’ll stay here just long enough to hit the “Send” button on this email, and then I’ll be heading back. The message light is blinking on the answering machine, but for now I’m going to continue to leave that unattended too. So we hope you’ll understand that we’ll be thinking of you all, but will continue to stay out of contact for a while longer.
We are a bit tired, but that part is one thing that is a normal part of parenthood, so we are quite content with that!
Again, thank you to each of you for all the thoughts and prayers that have been said on our and Soren’s behalf. Some of our emissaries have been helping us get the word out on our little guy (thanks especially to Victoria for that!)
We’re looking forward to the day when we can show off the handsome new addition to our family.
With lots of love,
Amy, Peter and Soren
***
Tomorrow I'll tell you some of the details behind the scenes.
What an amazing story. Due to adoption, I have been reading many books about newborns and their reaction and trauma to being taken from the birth mom and handed to the new mom. Within seconds of birth the baby knows what has happened. And that trauma stays with them through their life. Soren was so lucky to have you there during those precious times of his life. Just the touch of your hand and the sound of your voice healed him in ways most people have no understanding of. How blessed you all are to have each other.
ReplyDeleteWow Amy. What an amazing story. I actually never knew exactly what happened to him. What a blessing. Oh, and I love the new design....so cute.
ReplyDeleteAmy...can it really be 4 years?
ReplyDeleteIn some ways it seems like just yesterday when we were all beginning our adventure into motherhood (other ways it seems like an eternity)...your adventure getting your little man here was definitely a difficult one...I remember feeling so worried for you guys at the time and thinking how difficult it would be.
What a blessing that Soren was able to make a full recovery...and become the bounding, smart, happy little 4 year old he is!
PS glad to be back to the blogging world!